=_=

watever i've seen i'm heartbroken. my heart is breaking. it's a stab in my heart. a very very painful stab tho i never know how a stab feels like. but the feeling is still here. even that little loser's comment causes a small stab. what if that little loser is someone i really know and really fucking hates me. what if people hates me. i dun want to cry anymore i've cried too much the past weeks. i'm hating it. my pulse is faster, hands are cold, mouth dry now. eventho i've always tell people to cry it out if they feel like crying cos holding it inside isn't good, but i refuse to do tt. i can't cry anyway. i think i've run out of tears. i think i'm not always as happy as i appear to be especially these few weeks. i try to humour myself. it's true that clowns are not happy people. i wonder when i can really laugh again. when will things be okay again. the thought brings another stab. what am i going to say. how are people going to know. i don't even knoe it myself. i'm too weak. i'm tearing apart. i want to tear myself apart too. this is too much for me.

i'm so confused
this industry has made me cold
i trusted you to make me shine bright
this is almost getting old
- whisper (alien ant farm)