eejit

mad life, mad family, mad me, mad everything basically i'm mad.
oh yah i'm f.i.n.e alright.

freaked out yesterday night, at dec and brotha over the net. mad me. damn irritated with all the stupid troubles i've caused. and damn irritated at wat happened. thought after i cried last night everything would be fine today. well, in fact, i'm f.i.n.e instead. i freaking had another howl watever the hell and luckily ying ru was there to listen. feel like an eejit now. but still i feel better. i thought i'll be better after last night but not really... but at least i did talk it out last night... just a small matter of being told to stop jamming by my ma. "small" matter. watever.
but i freaking dun care. she can't stop me cos she can't and oso cos i say she can't. :P thought she will start cold war with me but i'm disappointed that she din. thought that she want to nag more and irritate me more. but somehow she decided to end it and talked to me nicely today. guilty? fuck knows. it's allllll the mad stuff she liked to nag about that make me lose control. think i've finally snapped like a stupid rubber band. she tries to control everything. -_- that's mad. she put all the 'no's on me after the lesson of bringing up my sis. that's probably y there's quite a lot of things that i can't do. but ma is not scary in person... it's just her thinking that irks me.

basically i realised that i may not be truly happy all the time. well, that's what i thought. maybe i am. maybe not. i dun even knoe it myself. i laugh too much. maybe that's my way of masking all my fears and sadness. tt's wat the books say. tt irritates myself too. i knew i read something like this last time but when i read about it again for my writcomm essay, i realised that it might be quite true for me. but then again, maybe not cos i can't figure out wat my fears and sadness are. mad me. i can't decide on anything. or maybe it's cos i'm confused. i dunno wat i want. sometimes i hate being a gemini. i can't decide on anything.

tt para above is messy, just like how i think and talk all the time. this makes it hard for peeples to understrand me.

The bridge between you and someone else has fallen down. Start rebuilding.
tt's the horoscope thingy i came across today. wtf.

Don't let your emotions paralyze you. Leave them out of this decision.
another one for tomorrow. uh-huh

tt true??? i dunno.

roar roar.

i'm like supposed to be studying my audio test but i obviously can't cos the notes are too much to absorbed... toooooo many words... i can die liddat
still got writcom to do... my topic is on laughing. hahaha
yesterday i went to watch the jam x thingy... audio insanity got third yay haha at least they won something... quite fun bah yesterday... but i almost went deaf... forgot to bring my earplug... went with haslinda, met john, dec, ren (how to spell his name) and some of dec's fren whom i dunno and some scc peeples... cat, tricia, angela, etc etc got go... tt's all bah... everyone's quite high in the final hour... everyone's standing... well u have to stand if not u can't see anything cos the peeples are blocking... ah wells, tt's how it go...
dun feel like blogging le.