-_-

been thinking and thinking a lot and a lot... especially just now when i was doing props... when i was alone outside level 9... just think and think about all kinds of shit... even day dreaming... now i can't remember wat i day dreamed abt haha... but it is all quiet, except the ambience but it is quiet... can't remember when's the last time i have this kind of quietness... haven't been to my paradise hill these days. the quietness and peacefulness over there can really de-stress. oh yah probably the other time at the pond place at the teaching hub. it's quite peaceful over there too. stayed for 2 hrs over there with ter... stayed there as if there is nothing to do. but once i exited all these places, reach the roads, i feel stressed again. i think the traffic is making me stressful. the big buses and everything. even over at paradise, the expressway is behind the hill. but i cancel out the traffic noise. okay anyway, it was peaceful at level nine. john and mathen went inside becos low batt, so it was extra quiet. and it's quite nice to be alone once in awhile (but i still love all of y'all's company =D). i tot of listening to radio but decided not to destroy the quietness tt i'm getting. maybe i need to meditate more or something.

www.radiohead.com

drama punk

+_+

okay... fine... hello...

drama punk

,=_=,

the final straw has broke me i think i'm too stressed why does she have to do this everytime i'm having stress already and she's adding stress and never ever admits she's wrong that's the problem living in a traditional family they will never show affection and concern even if they show i would be uncomfortable. so will they. yah i finally cried. i've said tt's the final straw. a small matter but i can't help it. i will not tell her wat happened to me. she thinks i'm starting another argument with her like my sis everytime. she oways thinks we are living a fairytale life. our life is stressful enuff without her unreasonable reasons and logics. she has no worries at all but brings worries to herself. i'm sick of it. i'm fucking tired. i'm too stressed i think. i think i'll be fine. i hope so, so dun worry so much for me. worse come to worse i still won't kill myself.

=_=

eh i think i'm okay le... thx girls... i'll go play games.

=_=

watever i've seen i'm heartbroken. my heart is breaking. it's a stab in my heart. a very very painful stab tho i never know how a stab feels like. but the feeling is still here. even that little loser's comment causes a small stab. what if that little loser is someone i really know and really fucking hates me. what if people hates me. i dun want to cry anymore i've cried too much the past weeks. i'm hating it. my pulse is faster, hands are cold, mouth dry now. eventho i've always tell people to cry it out if they feel like crying cos holding it inside isn't good, but i refuse to do tt. i can't cry anyway. i think i've run out of tears. i think i'm not always as happy as i appear to be especially these few weeks. i try to humour myself. it's true that clowns are not happy people. i wonder when i can really laugh again. when will things be okay again. the thought brings another stab. what am i going to say. how are people going to know. i don't even knoe it myself. i'm too weak. i'm tearing apart. i want to tear myself apart too. this is too much for me.

i'm so confused
this industry has made me cold
i trusted you to make me shine bright
this is almost getting old
- whisper (alien ant farm)

-_^

been stoning at home all day. played devil may cry. wondered how many more stages. i r love dante. then played bejewelled, chatted, revised (yah i revised) and stoned and think and think. then now blogging. and chatting. tml shall be another boring day. devil may cry again yay then internet, chat. fucking no life. someone date me pls. haha okay nothing to blog liao boring day

drama punk