shit happens (quoted: yingru msn nick)

there'll be times when u wish that u can turn back the time or click the undo button. but then again there is no such things. whatever that's been said or done can never ever be changed or corrected. that's why shit happnes. you'll then kick yourself for whatever had happened after what's done. you'll hate to see the reaction from others and probably your own too. the humiliation, regret whatever that you'll feel makes you want to disappear straight away but you'll feel the need to explain. so you'll stay. all the words that follows, somehow they just don't get registered. they'll be too busy tending to the wounds that cut them and can hear nothing from the person who held the knife dripping with their blood. you might not be the one holding the knife, it might be someone else whom you've shared the knife with. this makes things worse if your name is announced as the original owner of the knife. you'll feel worse. somehow someone else is acting as your scapegoat whether you want it or not cos that someone else can do whatever they want with the knife once you let them have a share of it. and again, that's why shit happens.

on the way home alone you'll think how nice it would be if nothing had been said, and that none of that will have happened, nobody gets hurt which might include yourself. this journey home is torturous sometimes. but it does not have the ability to undo the damage. "if only i haven't..." "but hadn't it helped somehow..." it helps nothing at all.

you won't want others to knoe that you're still feeling sorry even after some time. and to cover up feeling awful, you'll pretend to laugh along with everybody, at least they'll think that you're happy and able to recover. sometimes by doing so, it does help with the recovery and you'll really feel happy. and sometimes the shit that happened truly is a blessing in disguise. if you can go on thinking it this way, tt helps yourself. but if there's still the bit of lingering thought that still blames yourself, tt's making yourself feel like shit every single day. one day you'll have to break down. it's a matter of how much you can tolerate. and again, it's cool if you can tolerate and try to forget about the incident.

to avoid such things is to keep all the knives to yourself. in a way, that's selfish. and sooner or later you'll end up wounding yourself when you can't hold all the knives and yet still refuse to lay them down. so it depends whether you want to cut yourself or others, and how it helps, who it helps.

bloody knives.